Kegan Silonis

Born in Twin Falls, Idaho and taken against his will to the promise land of Minneapolis Minnesota to pursue the finer things in life such as sports gambling, deleting Bud Light Ultras, and staying STD-free via abstinence, Kegan Silonis is taking the world by storm with his creative writing skills and “can’t lose” betting mentality. Of course sports betting is much easier with a time machine and that is exactly why he build one in 1999 at just three years old. After accidentally learning he was conceived in the bathroom of Long John Silver’s, Kegan immediately destroyed the machine choosing to live a much simpler life. He still uses his impeccable ability to predict the future when making incredible picks that are guaranteed to win money. For sharing these insights, Kegan Silonis truly is a man of the people.

Kobe Patch

What is left to say about Kobe Patch that can’t be found on his arrest records already? Kobe Patch is the enforcer, the brains, and the degenerate guru behind this magic show. In fifth grade he was kicked out of Miss Nelson’s elementary school class for an inappropriate teacher-student relationship with the principal. His hometown has been condensed to a single building called “Canterbury Park” in Shakopee, MN where Kobe learned to predict the future. A part-time gambler, full-time degenerate.